Wow, look at my babies. They grow older and older no matter how tight you hold them. No matter how many times you say you love them. I'm only five years into parenthood! Oh my! Can I please take this moment to beg my parents for forgiveness? For taking all that time from them because of whining, fighting, rebelling and running??

My beloved Harper and Pierce, I can't type a single word or even utter one that could equal the feeling I feel for you. From the moments you entered in my life and made me more than I am. From the beginnings of life as early on as the womb, the hospital room, the beach, the walks, the late nights and diaper fiascos. You will never know the love I have for you until you have your own. I hope that you do and you learn to love like I have.

Above you in this very picture is a giant ficus tree with a canopy of 40' wide. It is majestic and has grown that way from a house plant in a pot. I invite you to grow as big and as strong as that tree. Against everyones wishes, growing whichever way you choose, in search of more light, more life and more branches. I love you so much my babies.

Thoughts on Turkey Day '11

Pierce has been 'whirring' 'crunching' 'growling' for near an hour now. He also beatboxes songs with his mouth, including the Transformers theme, Iron Man and Back in Black. Meanwhile, I look over a few past entires and come again to the conclusion of how fast it all goes by. No matter how hard you hold on to them or how long.

I put Harper to bed the night before last and she snuggled up to me, where her head was nestled in my neck and her arms were wrapped around me, mine around her. Her torso still fits between my shoulder and my elbow! She is the sweetest thing and starting to sprout up so quickly now. Babbling words behind her "suckie" then taking out and she is talking wildly. Repeating everything Pierce says. Singing "I Wanna Rock" in the car.

Memories Can't Wait

I haven't been writing or typing in quite a while. Maybe since the beginning of summer. It's so hard to realize time and life slipping away like that. It's why I write, to revisit those memories of days (daze) gone by. Found some interesting tidbits in a small journal that I've jotted some things down in. The torrential downpour from the tropical "event" that happened last weekend, flooded my garage floor. I had my journals, memorabilia, posters and whatnot in a couple of 12-pack boxes, including the Sweetwater 420 box that survived our T-bone/Rollover crash in Kennesaw 7 years ago. One of the entries happened to be from the night we left to Atlanta to see the Spree and how it could have been the last entry I ever made. I have things that I'm ashamed to speak of from my past and that would be one of them. Horrible night, horrible decisions based on horrible perception. I salvaged a postcard from Mark with a night view of the NYC skyline dated 9/12/00. A year from the 9/11 attacks. I also found my ticket from Funky Tekno Tribe in LA, the night I was in my dark blue, neon diagonally-striped dress with cut-off sleeves and Doc Martins. These mementos will degrade in time but my memories never will until God takes them from me. I cherish them so much. I also read my DD-214 over tonight and put it in the meat drawer with my passport and birth certificate.

Odds, Ends & a Ball of Waxx

I decided to post some of my older unfinished posts. Some are incomplete and very short, but I thought "Why keep them in my drafts folder?"

I've kind of gotten over the social networking thing, between Myspace and Facebook I've reconnected with everyone from my past that I've wanted to. Learned what directions they went in their lives, how many kids they had, what they do on a daily basis and ALL THIS WITHOUT EVEN PICKING UP THE PHONE! I suppose I can blame Mark Zuckerberg for kidnapping my conscious for the last few years. Just as I can find Steve Jobs guilty of taking my wife and some of my friends hostage now. I suppose we are just searching for something more than the four walls around us can offer, something beyond our lives and voyeuring is a great way to do it. It can make us more than we are.

We are catching up with chores today, as yesterday we put a 4' fence across the front of Kasey's house for her. It's a small way of saying thanks for watching our kids so we can go out and see live music or go to the movies. She is great woman, the kids absolutely love her, she is very pacifying and they enjoy being her presence. It's a true blessing to have someone like that in your life, especially as you go day-to-day-to-day in the same routine with the ups and downs of parenthood.

I can't explain to you the elation I have when I hear "Dad, I want to watch basketball with you." It took some time, but it finally happened this year. Usually it coincides with Pierce's having fear of "the light" in his window. To us, it's easy to deduce that it's the rear neighbor's annoying security light that goes on and off as we walk through our house, but to him, it's monsters (palmetto fronds) dancing in the window.

I love the game of basketball. I would hope he does too. I can't wait until his shots can hit the rim, and he can actually dribble. I remember waiting for my brothers to get that age too. To have the "legendary" games we once had with the neighbors and random friends. So, for me to look over and see him watching with me the game I've spent hours playing and days watching, makes me smile. Heck, it could make me cry at times. It's a fatherhood moment to me.

How sweet it is when the...oh, I wrote too soon once again, that Harper is sleeping and the house is quiet. She just let out a cry mid sentence and then came pattering down the hall to us. Crying once, "Mami". Concentration broken. Perhaps "Tom Sawyer" will kindle a fire underneath my fingertips...

Harper is near 15 months, it went by much too fast as she is looking less and less like my baby girl, and more like like my little toddler. She has such a smile. Seeing it is truly one of my favorite things. It makes it all go away for a while, the long day, the regrets. She loves being outside, she loves basketball too, which is a very good thing. I'm willing to venture that she'll be better than Pierce at it soon enough. Probably in the genes. Typing now with one hand and Harper draped over my left shoulder. How long will I be able to do this? Not long enough I assure you. She is so still now. So sweet.

Meanwhile, Danielle and Pierce are bickering over a certain Transformer noise he is making which is pulling her out of Coupon Land. Harper is holding to me tightly, she turns her head back and forth, hearing and feeling her breaths. Not long enough. Earlier I felt the same way as we clasped hands out front as I was unloading the van. I sat there in the morning cool with my coffee and her. She just lifted her head up, looked at the screen and pressed her face against mine for a moment. The best feeling in the world...

Neil Young is blazing away, she is now sleeping, getting heavier on me, my right hand and left arm are tired. Time to watch some basketball..."Pierce!"

Pierce fluttered around the kitchen as I did another hour's worth of dishes. He was butt naked, flying and transforming a compact mirror around, with plenty of onomatopoeia to boot. I wonder at what point that this becomes inappropriate. I sure can't do it now!

Meanwhile I'm saying inside "getting old sucks" realizing that I'd missed my first concert, not due to family obligation, money or desire, but by a bad hamstring. Boy, if I could bottle his energy and agility now and bring it on an exodus to Disney West Side I would; Giant Panda Guerilla Dub Squad the ultimate destination.

Peace and Quiet

Boy, I never realized how much I would appreciate peace and quiet. Here I am, up at just past 6 with no alarm clock, coffee made and not one sound in the house. Even Odie the Reindeer isn't clickity clacking across the hardwood floor, all that there is are the sound of ducks and a prop plane flying overhead. What makes this more amazing is that we even have Ami & Jonas staying over. I'm sure anytime - ahh I hear a whine now - right on cue, better type fast...I should have kept my fist closed.

My little princess loves her tea and kettle set that Darby got her. She tips the spout and slurps from the cups. She is becoming more and more comfortable in her own skin, the sashaying has gone by the wayside, her steps are more determined. She even walked around the pontoon boat the other afternoon. She's got her sea legs! Minus a few spills, even a unintentional trip by Gerdpa that sent her straight on to her face, she survived. The best part of the journey to see Discovery's last launch was Pierce and her at the front of the vessel, huddled next to each other and looking down river.

Daddy's little rocker is still rockin'. His new music requests are Skynyrd's "Freebird" and Styx's "Mr. Roboto". He is like a Tasmanian Devil in a whirlwind, the sound of helicopters and missiles emanating from his vortex. Pierce has been constantly smashing (for years now) his Matchbox cars, Transformers parts, blocks and whatever else into the top of the piano, his bedroom furniture and our butcher block countertops, leaving divots behind everywhere in his wake. It's funny, he's not much of an outside kid, doesn't like playing basketball, getting on the scooter or riding in the bike trailer, but as soon as Harper shows interest - there he is getting involved. I love it, now we spend time in the afternoons shooting hoops, bouncing the ball and learning to pass & catch. He is getting the hang of it.

Harper on the other hand is my little athlete, she is trying to get on the scooter herself and picks up the big basketball and bounces it herself. She loves being outside! She is also my little Ed McMahon and says "Hi - oh!" all the time. It's so funny, she is babbling alot and pointed at Odie the other day saying "O - E". She is very curious and loves to sit & thumb through books (along with everything else in the house).

I marked their heights along the garage door trim Friday, it had been near 2 years since we moved in, that I had done it last. Pierce has grown so much, soon I will draw another line of growth and wish I could have some time back. That they would slow down and not grow up. It is such a paradox, you want them to become independent but you want to hold them and not let go. As I fed Harper a bottle last night as she was falling asleep in my chair, she is almost too big to fit between the arms, her foot was rubbing back and forth on the leather...I realize it goes by too fast.

1 & 4

The only sound in the house is the new Radiohead album and the droning of the coffee maker. It's taken me years to get to this point, to start writing/typing again. My journal entries have become less and less frequent. My family has grown like a yard of weeds, much too fast to keep up and I feel as though I've fallen behind. Who else is writing things down? Will we remember them years from now?

I'm trying to figure out how to place the pictures in just the right spot, still an amatuer blogger at best. Harper is walking and talking now. My mom says she "sashays" around, she holds her arms up and turns her hands at the wrist from side to side. She even grabs the box of chalk we have by the blackboard and slides it on her arm like a purse! So precious! She said things resembling light, outside, juice, and of course Momma and Dadda. Already almost 13 months old. I think I get ahead of myself when I call her just one, you really have to hold on to these short years as long as you can. Before I know it she'll be yelling "No!" and throwing tantrums like the other light of my life, Danielle. Just kidding!

Pierce is a superhero. No other real way to describe him at this point. He flys around at a hundred miles an hour having episodes with his Matchbox cars, which are now either Transformers or Marvel Superheroes at any given moment. Meanwhile, the hundreds of dollars worth of Transformers and Superheroes lay there on the ground in millions of pieces! He has an extensive vocabulary and wide ranging supply of onomatopoeia which he uses quite well. I hear the episodes of Iron Man or Transformers Prime translated into smashes and crashes of metal on the piano or counter.

Now, he has awoken and those very noises I just described are going on around me like a swarm of bees and it's only 7 AM. Soon, the beginning bars of Iron Man will be hummed out, with the Ozzy Osbourne headshake accompanying them. Never was a fan of Black Sabbath or the Ozz-man, my 4 year old has turned me on to the fantastic, Paranoid. Go figure. He even ran into daycare the other morning describing to one of the ladies the album cover, a man with a sword and a helmet on, hiding behind a tree. He constantly makes me laugh. Here he is, fresh from the bathroom, staring and smiling at me, describing how Danielle's hair clips are sea creatures transforming into robot things. I love it. He reminds me so much of Mike as a kid. It's so much fun.

Now I feel as though I'm neglecting him, drinking coffee and blogging about his life. Our life. I was telling my mom the other day that I'm just a stupid kid that got lucky. I truly am blessed. I just hope that there will be another morning I can wake up at the crack of dawn and type down my thoughts again. We shall see....

Another Late Night

How many have I had? Always was a night owl, even in my youth. I was awake.